Here I am again.
We were there in the cramped backroom with other people, speaking a language we could not understand. Then a lady, I assume she's a staff working with the store, started to go around offering everyone a drink and candies with a smile on her face. And now when I come to think of it, I start to wonder, how many times in your life you'll end up meeting some of the bravest people, those who choose to be kind in times when even they themselves would need some comforting.
Then we were moved to the second floor, into the fitting room area. The girl with the bleeding leg was in the room across us. I heard someone asking if she's called her family, to which she mentioned her phone was out of battery. And I walked towards her, she was guarded. And I just handed over my portable charger with a smile, and she took it. And she pulled her curtain close, and a couple of minutes later I could hear her sobbing while talking to someone over the phone.
We were stuck there for hours. We realised it's probably 4am in Malaysia, and even if we attempted to call home, no one would pick up. But my best friend had tears in her eyes, and all she wanted was to hear her mother's voice. And so she did. And so they cried. And my brother did not pick up my call. So I called my little sister. And she picked up. And the first thing I told her was, please listen to what I'm about to tell you carefully and calmly. And I told her everything. And I told her, please don't tell our parents. It's just not the kind of news I want to break to them, waking them up at that hour just to tell them that I was trapped in the middle of a shoot out and I was stuck there, still there after so many hours.
I know I might not have been the best daughter to my parents, but at least I wanted to do that for them.
And a little after midnight, a couple of French policemen walked in. They took our statement as witnesses.
Then I called my mother. Figured it's probably 6am in Malaysia. I was calmer, and I told her briefly what happened. She did not break down. I did not know what to expect from her then. I still don't.
Then we were released back to the streets.
And that's probably when I felt most afraid in my entire life.
The metro was no longer operating, and it was quite a distance from our lodging nearby Pantheon. So we just walked. So fast. Walkwalkwalk following a few people released just before us. Cops everywhere. Blinking lights everywhere. I still couldn't think properly. I was still digesting. And suddenly at the end of the alley, a few black cabs abruptly appeared from nowhere, windows down, hands waving to us, calling us in. And we sped to them. "Pantheon, sil vous plait."
Climbed up the endless steps, and we were in our room again. I could not remember taking off anything or switching on the lights. I went straight to bed, pulled the blanket to cover my entire being, and for the first time that night I cried. And did not stop until I somehow fell asleep.
